I was just letting this overwhelming force move through me like a tsunami. This was not one of my bouts of crawling on the floor wailing softly and not being able to get up. One of the days when it became too much to bear, I decided to close my eyes and sit with it. When sense kept waving at me, I finally took heed. I played along to its tune and took to the floor every time the beat dropped.

I knew the right thing to do was to leave but I had put it off for a long time. The time towards the tail end of my long term relationship was emotionally draining and turbulent. Then again we exist in a capitalist world and my idealism is no match for it. My rather elegant design told me I didn’t have enough money to afford such ventures, then again, my favourite dervish poet Rumi had comforted me: Most people go off travelling to unravel the truth of life. It could be to do with the fact that I was searching. Often finding myself sifting and working out the consequence combinations. I take time, retreat and think through things. Not sure why, I am not exactly a ‘yes’ girl. When I was invited to a guided Shamanic Sound & Mushroom ceremony, I immediately said yes. Ideas come alive through creativity, us mere mortals are just a medium with a responsibility to channel.

I am now in even more awe of Indian artists who express and create, they must have had a very early chrysalis or a brute creative force that worked its way through them. Maybe I was a weakling, then again, doesn’t expression and creativity go hand in hand? It becomes rather Pavlovian to not express oneself. It is allowed.Ĭoming from Mumbai where expression is not accepted on the streets or at home, do’s and don’ts are clearly laid down and reiterated. You could be trans or gay or quite simply a chatterbox. A city that makes allowance for expression. I have spen t a decade getting to know London, it is different here compared to other British cities - the hustle bustle, micro and counter cultures interacting with each another. I wanted more and I realised that required me to be more daring. Transient.ĭreams and hopes I conjured along the way, some took hold and most withered away. Relationships, some lasted a month, some close to 7 years. Not having much money to just having just about enough. Moving to London from Mumbai over a decade ago, getting through more visas than I could count. The past 3 years have accounted for more growth than in my whole lifetime. I am 33 and growing, not sure about my mind though.

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